Pedigree vs. Non Pedigree

Some of the 'Looking Back' experiences of my life translate themselves into ruminations~


Compared to my female predecessors say even 25 yrs back, I’ve had a far wider exposure to the male species. Back then, those coy & docile women at the most interacted with their male peers at the college,univ & work place. And from that limited pool, they selected their mates for life. Cut to 2000 & beyond. Not that we girls are any more ambitious than those 25 yrs backs, but yes society has progressed & we are allowed to fly the nest right after school. Then starts our transmigration across the country, many times across the seas. Roughly, any girl who’s 25 plus has atleast lived in two cities(apart from her hometown) and that’s the least am talking about.

Hence not surprising that by the time we’ve crossed the silver jubilee of our life-we’ve almost seen it all where men are concerned(with & without their clothes on?). Ok!dont jump to conclusions,I was just being a lil’ wicked.
So lemme list the places where I met men. As long as I was in Kolkata, my interaction with the not so fair sex was restricted to school, painting classes,journalism course & finally college. Not to forget,the internet which threw in my face quite a few guys. But since I never met most of ‘em in real life…I wonder if it really matters, I don’t really know that the fantastic guy whom I may have met virtually was a troll or a knight.Or was he?


So once in a new city, u meet ‘em while studying-in the univ, in the canteen, in the library, while travelling by bus/metro, then u get to meet/steal bfs of your room-mates, their friends’ friends. Then u start working, it opens up a mine field-now u have not just male colleagues but even their room-mates who may have sneaked a look at ur orkut/fb profile flashing delectably on the common frnds’ list. Ofcourse, pubs/CCDs/Baristas make it even more legitimate for a guy to ask u out. Well, these are the usual places where u meet a new crop of men almost every wk. Lemme think of some of the unexpected places I met men.(next blog post topic, what say?)

Neways, July 2004. Single, attractive(?) female arrives in Delhi. On the train journey itself she encounters this pedigreed guy, a St.Stephen’s Pass Out. Infact his mom is a nice lady & they all get talking about the finer things in life. She finds out his dad is the High Commissioner in Bangladesh. Only much later does she find out that his dad’s a third generation IFS officer. Talk about pedigree!
But back then I was foolish, didn’t know the worth of pedigree. Never really gave the guy much importance & as is true with all pedigrees he didn’t try being in touch either. They aren’t your usual boy-next-door who’d keep pursuing u till u relent. No sir! These esoteric, rarely found in the mainstream guys never take the pains to pursue a girl, any girl for that matter. Its not their style. There’ll always be a difference bet. a guy born with a silver spoon in his mouth & a guy born, well without that extra streak of cultured upbringing.

But we were meant to meet. Months later, I randomly walked into an unknown girl’s hostel room & somehow she appreciated my nose! Quite a compliment coming frm a Kashmiri, given that they have the best noses…that’s how the ice broke betn us & dunno why I spoke abt the pedigree frm Stephens’ without naming him. She simply looked at me & said ‘oh, you are the girl he met on the train’….Whoa!& then we met(2004) thanks to that girl, who was his close frnd & yet neither of us thought much of the other. Somehow, in 2005 while still living in that hostel, a girl walkd upto to me & said, a guy had come to meet me 2-3 days earlier & had left behind a note….neither cud she retrieve the note for me nor cud she remem. his name. But I knew it cud only be the pedigree, given that no other guy in delhi knew of my existence there, till then. Guess, we weren’t meant to meet. Yrs later, heard he’d married a bong…ah, but he was a bong too.


Neways, that was 1 close encounter with a pedigree…the next two pedigreed guys I met 5 yrs later, yea-they are hard to come by. They move in their own elevated circles. In the interim period I went through certain lows with the non pedigreed guys. I threw up my hands, realized these nouvea rich guys without any generations of good pedigree were prone to turn ugly(not withstanding their IIM/IIT degrees). These non pedigreed ones are big time penny pinchers too!Its a big turn off to see ‘em take a bus to meet u. My sympathies with the struggling student kinda guys, there I’d find it cute to see ‘em facing a crowded bus just to meet me but NOT the corporate misers who earn a good salary yet travel in buses!Take u to shabby restaurants or at the most, Barista.CCD!

Talking abt non pedigrees-

Never faced an abusive guy thankfully but even the so called nicest of guys have never managed to end a friendship with dignity…there’s always been an ugly backlash…a streak of ungratefulness….a feeling of grudge hanging heavy in the air…many times, they reduce your image to that of a girl who’s the most hollow person on earth….actually therez a lot to this list but I’d rather let it be. Let ugly things RIP.
Coming back to the two pedigrees I came across. 4th Jan of a certain yr, I was hungry with all the running around to get my admission secured in jnu. So it was Nearly 1.30pm but I decided to skip going to the closest library canteen as noon is peak hour & it bursts at its seams. I went to a far off canteen instead. Surprise!it was jam packed…had to retrace my path, dragged my feet to the lib. Canteen…was abt to enter thru the door-at that very instance ‘an epitome of sophistication’ :D was meaning to step out…we had no option but to look at each other & look we did for the next 4 mins & am not kidding u, four mins is a long time…its equivalent to staring. Fr the 1st time in my life I had stared at a guy(reciprocated to be precise).Whoa!
He went out & I thought I’d seen the last of that random beautiful stranger in my territory. But he came back with his frnds & sat inside….i took up a seat, concealed from his line of vision. He was a treat to the eyes, not because he was handsome…well, he was handsome but even if he hadn’t been…the way he carried himself, the way the blue silk scarf was tucked around his neck while the extremely well tailored black cardigan(?)/coat added to the whole posh effect. He had a goatee. Even though I didn’t know a single thing abt him…I felt this was a typical pedigree with all its trappings. Incidentally, he was hanging out with girl who wasn’t my frnd but studied in jnu. Some months down the line I bumped into her & realized I was right abt my guesswork. This was a second generation IAS officer’s son…was an Inlaks scholarship awardee, went to a top most Ivy league, currently in a top job. Found out through more frnds, he just doesn’t bother abt girls(no, he’s not gay). Just to test, I did the unthinkable! Sent him an FB frnd request with my name, face everything on it!(a bold step, given that I’ve never done something so mad as to request fraandship) Needless to say, he never added me!! That too when am not ugly!& have good credentials like Google etc….This reinforced the belief I’ve always harbored abt pedigrees. They are a far cry from the despos, they will never befriend u-even if u are the prettiest thing possible-unless they are introduced to u via their select group of frnds.

Similarly, met another guy who was sitting in a class where I was taking coachin.once. I was foolish not to recog. he was last yrs’ topper who ws brought in by sir to give an inspirational speech. But he was so modest, without any airs that I was easily fooled into thinking he’d come to attend the classes. The way he spoke…addressing every girl with so much respect…that fr a min, I wondered if he was actually mocking the girls! No I mean am used to meeting such jerks that meeting a pedigree, is so out of character :P

Infact, when he told me his plans as a future IPS officer, I asked him an impertinent question for which I was supposed to apologize. Instead had him apologizing to me! My frnd next to me, nudged & whispered ‘hez so chivalrous mainly coz he was in the merchant navy in the past’…I said ‘nah, check his family background, u’ll find an illustrious line there’. Soon enuf the local rajasthan newspapers ran an article on him & there was a reference to his family having been a bureaucratic one for the last few generations.
Again, though he added me on his gmail chat list…his chat answers were always in monosyllables & mind u, he wasn’t even in any committed relationship. In complete contrast to the rest of the guys who want ur phone no. in the very first chat, ok if not first…after a few chats or email rounds.
That had a counter effect on me. Once I stumbled upon a guy’s snaps taken,on flicker. Now, I left behind a comment barely expecting much in response,given that he was already used to a lot of adulation. Prompt was his reply on his comment page & it had a personalized touch. I commented on yet another snap. Within 2-3 hrs again he commented, but this time-he’d dropped by at my flickr account. What struck me was, he’d come all the way to my account to thank me for visiting his photostream. 2ndly, noted that he’d put a laudatory comment on 1 of the only 5 pics I’d shot. Now honestly, my photographic works were a piece of shit or so I thought. Here was this guy amazingly talented who had given a thumbs up to my work. Ok, agreed this was a good looking, eligible guy but but…wasn’t he just the opposite of the pedigreed guys, my mind reasoned furiously. And I ruled him out completely. Umm, was it a wise decision? Just coz a guy pays u a lot of attn, makes him an unclassy guy? I didn’t even check his background….but on 2nd thoughts, 10 out of 10 times, I’v never seen a pedigreed guy making overtures on any girl per se. The girl has to take the first few steps on her own

Point is, these pedigreed ones are spoilt for choice, they know that even an arranged marriage match would be a well matched pedigree carrying an ivy league degree & most importantly, generations of fine blood wud course through her veins. Now I understand why the royals have always been so finicky about blue blood. There’s something very elegant abt the way they carry themselves, which we commoners are devoid of. And though it sounds very superficial but a pedigree is a pedigree.

It takes me precisely 10-15 mins to tell apart a pedigree from a non pedig. …its those intangibles which separate ‘em from the rest…even if I may try putting down the attributes that make ‘em what they are…I cant…its to be felt or maybe one shud just try spending some time with the non pedigrees, feel the back lash & contrast it with the silent dignity & immense respect with which the pedigreed ones treat u. And most importantly, a non-pedigreed guy will somehow end up treating u like the trash,he is. So my advice to the younger crop women has always been the same -look for pedigree, even if he runs out of money-he’ll never treat you cheaply(pun intended)