Fake emotions...fake smiles...fake tears...fake people all around me...
I Feel like throwing up...i feel nauseated...i feel sick to my gut...somehow my system hasn't learnt to digest the fakeness that abounds in this world.
Why do i see everyone wearing a mask?happy masks...charming masks...sexy masks...vulnerable masks...guileless masks...seductive masks..
I feel i am caught in an endless evening party where the dress code is wearing masks of one's own choice...& the catch is- the evening never ends.
The party goes on & on....
Champagne flows...false talk keeps pace with it..i feel lost....suddenly it's time for the waltz.Men in masks approach women in masks....and beg for a dance.i refuse them...men with masks make clumsy dance partners, i remind myself.
Someone smiles at me...a deep dimpled smile...why am i attracted to him?Ah! a naked face...just like mine.A face sans a mask...
My hearts warms upto to him....he wraps his hand around my waist, pulls me close...too close(?)...fingers entwine...music fills up the Ball room....i tell him i dont trust people who hide behind masks...he looks deep into my eyes questioningly...nah! i assure him that i trust him....he isn't wearing a mask...an enigmatic smile crosses his lips....i feel lucky....i pity the women with masked dance partners...i tell him i loathe hypocrites...he says he loathes them too...i tell him i hate charmers, those glib talkers who talk smoothly but whose words stand hollow...smoothly he twirls me, i catch my breath when i realize he's bent halfway,staring at my face,dipping me over his arm... i am bent with my head thrown back...my back arched flexibly...i wait for his answer...but the lascivious music picks up & i get engrossed matching his step with mine...caught in swirling skirts & stiletto footsteps.He begged me to have faith on him...i did...i closed my eyes,put my head on his shoulder & danced...a content smile sitting pretty on those bow shaped lips.I didn't have to feel insecure anymore...
I dont remember how long i had been dancing with him...was it two years? was it a little more...pale beams of sunlight caressed his face & for the first time i noticed cracks on his face...on his honesty(?)...i watched in horror at the peeling mask....the enormity of the falsehood hit me not in a single blow but bit by bit...inch by inch...i was being killed slowly, softly...
Another masked man? my heart gasped...but dont masks hide everything except the eyes?and i had his every feature etched on my mind...his cleft chin...his square jaw...his nose...
Oh my god!My stomach churned...my body turned stone cold...i had been dancing with a masked man all along...with trembling fingers, i ripped the mask off his face...it was a face sans any eyes, sans any mouth, sans any nose...it was a face devoid of emotions,devoid of love, devoid of honesty....just like those millions of masked men who traded in flesh...not love.Who understand a French Kiss but not feelings.
A waltz of hypocrasy rather than a waltz of love....a waltz of fakeness?
It tears at my heart...the sham...the falsehood...i feel lonely...do i stand out like a sore thumb with my naked face in a sea of masks?
It reminds me of my childhood when i used to clutch my doll & hug it close...to seek comfort...if people used to let me down...or if i did something naughty...that doll went with me everywhere i travelled.
Wish i had that doll with me now....so that i could clutch that piece of chilhood close to my heart, that stretch of dream run of a lifetime that every adult looks back wistfully, that unmarred,unspoilt childhood...and close my eyes....and feel comforted...feel healed...
9 comments:
I still believe it is important to preserve your naivety, your belief that the world is not populated all by hypocrites. It is indeed hard to come crashing down, after having been taken to the crescendo of trust. But, the world needs your cheer more than you want to withdraw... and sooner or later, nature will indeed pay you back for lightung it up with your life...
Rahul->Touche!
the past is but yesterday only...you have your present and the future...why not get yourself a ferrari rather than that doll you were clutching to..
forgetfulness maybe divine...but those're memories i consume...
future is out of reach...these times are strange..but the past is so familiar...
i know involvement somehow escaped....but it seems it has dropped its hat midway...
i say angels may be seeked...but ghosts still should exist...
i say rise as you may want to...but falls should be generalized...
i say there might be more than life than just this...but cryin for a while shouldn't be condemned...
just as they taught you to be fearless...it's not that bad to get scared for a while...
just like the wind never is bias with flowers n' ashes...
why emotions find so many obstacles??
for i believe there's more to life than anythin else but life itself...
for i still believe no matter how many of 'em forbids the mirage...deserts could never have found a place in a poem but only on maps.
but remember...that you've this ability to feel discouraged n' again risin from the bottom...remember that you have this tendency to fall...look for someone to pick you up...no matter you find him or not..you again get up...even though you live in your present..you do have this ability of cryin for the past...what if you sometime forget your assignment given last week...but you remember moments that are light years apart....just like you moan when someone caresses your waist...you feel the ache when you scratch that torn skin...even if you've got 58 more to come...you still feel more for those 22 gone springs!
remember this...this is what makes us so unique...that we feel still colder when the snow gets colder... that we always long for that other side...but let the sides be forgotten for a while...let it be forgotten what is right n' what is not...let it be forgotten what should be done n' what not...forget all decisions..forget all opinions...n' only remeber this...there're no weaknesses ..there're no strengths...if you know exactly that there's no physical boundaries that seperate 'em...but only you do...n' every territory can be dug out...just like those memories that could be made so real that you feel like talkin with someone even when you're only makin the mornin tea.
for i believe you don't have to forget anythin...if only you know what to remember.
hi richa...here after long...hvnt had the time to come earlier...
but wut rahul said is right...not all the world is infested by masked men...the proportion may be very less, but not nil...
and i am well aware of how it feels when the person u trust most ends up breaking it...
Keep your trusting self no matter what. The world might have thrown the hypocrites at you, but if you lose that inherent trust, even a person with no mask will seem to be wearing one. Also, life has its own ways of making us come face to face with reality and the important part is to realize that this reality will only do good and make you stronger. And as rahul said, the world needs your cheer, it could take everybit it can among the many hypocrites...take care and best wishes.
Masks are compulsory nowadays..
You dont wear one and pretend like the flock and you are declared insane...
Thats another flip side to it...
Nice post...
Kunal->Ah! a ferrari...conjures up images of speed in my mind..that's indeed a thought to perk me up.
Anonymous->Wonder why u had to take up the mask of anonymity...but u left behind ur invisible signature...itz been quite some time since u left behind ur words on my shore though u've been visiting me regularly...thanx buddy.
vidhi->Itz a painful process....
Kaush->They say...'little girl,cry not for the wounds that make u bleed, but smile for the precious lessons that life threw ur way'
New cloud->Welcome to my world
Sen->Whoa...boy!am i glad to have u back...
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