Grass offers anonymity to a grasshopper, a stem of a plant offers anonymity to a stick insect, a snow covered landscape offers anonymity to a polar bear, an unknown city offers anonymity to travelers, a graffiti covered wall offers anonymity to strangers who love to leave behind scribbled words & the blog offered me anonymity, where i could let the words flow out of my head uninhibited ,unrestrained... I could write unhindered, without being singled out , without getting to hear personal remarks from people who meet me every single day , without people questioning me why i write the way i do.The blog was my ‘Little Big Secret’ ; it was my hideout zone where i could transform into a mermaid at my whim & fancy ; play hide & seek with words; make new friends; dabble in old memories; get drenched in non existing rains & let my imagination run riot.But recently, i discovered I’ve been spotted by known faces, I’ve been hunted & preyed upon by meddlesome people.And just when i thought my secret was safe with me, just when i thought i mingled with the background so well that no one would mark me out ...i heard my blog bleed. Too late, someone in my hostel had managed to penetrate & violate the virginity of my blog & left it unclothed ,naked, vulnerable to the attacks by others. Once you taste flesh, you are bound to come back for a kill again & so it continues- the nocturnal visits by a particular salivating female in my hostel, who goes ‘in & out’ of the pages of my blog regularly. I caught her red handed few days back, under the cover of night, around 12.30 pm sitting all alone in the computer room while the rest of the hostel rocked to the music being churned out by a DJ. I froze in my track when i saw her raping my blog, her lecherous gaze wandered over every bit of my blog & I could feel my blog cringe, scream out silently,looking around helplessly for help,begging for a piece of cloth to cover itself up.I confronted that drooling female & she looked at me & said ‘You never expected anyone to be so sharp,so as to find your blog,isn’t it?’ I could feel my temper flaring up & had this sudden urge to slap her tight that would have wiped the smirk off her face but i kept calm & allowed my body language to convey to her that i wanted her to back out of my blog immediately. Later,it all came flashing by-why she used to peer at my computer (always) while i worked on something as innocuous as Microsoft Word & not to mention her dirty habit of walking into the computer room & slyly reading into the emails being typed by girls,with their backs to her & finally, armed with a treasure of personal details about different girls,she would call for a round table conference, after dinner & along with some like minded friends dissect every bit of itsy bitsy detail & tear their personal lives into shreds. Cowards like her, who sneak into comp rooms at midnights to read into the lives of others,can be expected to remain spineless all their lives. And the voyeur in her would never stop carrying a ladder to reach someone’s bedroom & peep in.Am i furious because she encroached upon & trespassed into my world or do i pity her for being gutless?One thing is for sure,I no longer have an iota of respect left for her. Her uninvited entry or should i say intrusion, caused me a miscarriage, my write ups curled up in a foetal sleep, dreaming of leaving behind the amniotic fluid & the dark interiors for a gulpful of oxygen on a blogpost , bled to death.The excitement that ran through me when I’d experienced the first kick from the foetus growing fast, feeding voraciously on the rich fodder of imagination & words that I provided it with…..and itz hurried termination before it could even venture out into the Blogosphere has left me feeling numb. And what to say of the Abortion I underwent to get rid of the unborn ideas before they get devoured by people not meant to read them. My wings have been clipped & I can never soar high on this blog but waves have never been known to be static & so, I shall travel to another spot where I can bask in anonymity, camouflaged against a backdrop that would let me remain half hidden & not stick out of a webpage like a fluorescent bookmark sticking out of a book. |
Saturday, August 13, 2005
"Camouflage"...She said...
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25 comments:
realms of anonymity offer rejections...the world of the grasshoppers are marked with half measured convictions...polar bears are always left with divine inhibitions..n' those strangers...huh!...their forte is to camouflage their dead skin covered with rotted blood look like graffiti covered walls...for that world of anonymity lingers around the chokin grip of the monochrome background...a world where you don't write to be read..but to be unread...a world where you hide...but still long to be found...
i wish if i could greet you in...but i ain't allowed to do so...i wish if i could pulled you through...but i feel you don't belong here...It's that depth within i fear...for It consumes all the darkness...It's not for the speed with which It penetrates ... It's for the souls that It feeds on...
you need to grow up a little. this is ridiculous. your weakness is not her fault.
why be anonymous? arent you proud of what your beliefs are?
there is a disconnect somewhere.
sorry to be a little too honest.
Vikas->Ever wondered why famous writers sometimes make use of psuedonyms to write?Think about it..
The wet engineer->Ur lines had a healing effect on me.Want to write more...but then,ur one i can bank on-to read my silence & know what i want to say.
hey...i love reading ur posts...do lemme knw of the new address at : veiled.maiden@gmail.com.
nice post....
i don't compare (be it great writers/saints/philosophers etc.). comparison/distinction is the root cause of pain. think about that.
e.g: good/bad. doesn't that make us waste a truckload of time when good/bad are just two sides of the same coin.
a person might be a "great writer" but if he/she cannot "face the world" the way he/she is, he/she is simply weak. they have "things to lose" and those "things" are their weaknesses. attachment to those worldly things makes them weak.
name one true spiritual giant/mystic who remained in hiding.
e.g. a great mystic/saint/poet from Kashmir - Lalleshwari - used to walk around "naked". "i am yet to see a man" was her reply when she was questioned. that's the kind of strength one can achieve. but one must search one's own path towards that goal. it doesn't matter what others say, it never does. but its our own mind that plays tricks on us.
i hope i put my point across.
i am sorry to have used such acidic expressions in my last comment. i have no right to judge your thoughts.
if u believe in wat u say theres no need to hide..nd famous writers have the same reason for using false names..'bcoz they r afraid'..afraid of what they write themselves...but then fear is for the weak..nd u r as weak as those famous writers of urs..
Some random guy->Look at the irony-here u taunt me & call me weak coz i want to remain anonymous & yet u urself hide ur identity to play it safe.
Atleast stick to what u preach!Here u go flinging mud at me & 'my famous writers' but do u realize that u are doing just the same,or rather worse,coz u do not have the courage to stand upright,face me & say what u feel is right but prefer meowing 'anonymously'.
U do hav the tempting choice of picking up any fictitious 'male' name,next time u do try to justify urself by posting a venomous comment on my blog
Vikas->U neednt be sorry for whatever u wrote,everyone is supposed to have their own views.Was rather impressed by Lalleshwari.For a change,itz brickbats that r being showered on me...but u can freely vent ur thoughts here.
Things are bound to get a lil' ugly on this commentbox coz the female in question,is bound to hit back..under the cloak of a random name.
Vidhi->Ur gonna be the first to receive an email from me,as soon as i shift.There will be those,who wud stay back & not move ahead with me & there will be those like u, who wud volunteer to gimme their email ids so that i can mail them my new blog.
Avik->Welcome back...seeing u after quite a haitus,thanx for appreciating me.
Sen->Here's a friendly punch on ur shoulder for such a show of solidarity:-)
On a more serious note,i wud like to say,i cudnt have said it better,the way u neatly dissected the situation,made full use of ur analytical skills & presented a case that has no loose ends,with a style & class that puts u in the league of those few men who know how to win their cases!
Ever thought of becoming a top notch lawyer?(wink).
BTW,I seemed to hav stirred a hornet's nest & there are bound to be a few spectacular fireworks over the debate i have unknowingly teased.Letz brace ourselves for a showdown,things might turn a lil' rough but who cares...
yeah..i can read the whispers from those willows!!
She gets mad
Starts to cry
She takes a swing but
She can't hit
She don't mean no harm
She just don't know
What else to do about it
Jane says
Have you seen my wig around?
I feel naked without it
She knows
They all want her to go
But that's O.K. man
She dont like them anyway
Jane says
She's goin away to spain
When She gets my money saved
I'm gonna start tomorrow
...................Jane's Addiction.
those were not meant to be brickbats, albeit they did sound like ones.
anyway, its easy to track that particular person. i'll be glad to offer help, if needed.
"A blog IS a personal property."
We don't own a thing my friend. Nothing at all! We never ever do, not even for the slightest period of time.
And that's the point I was trying to convey. Its the attachment that brings pain. Otherwise, one would walk around "naked" and still be invisible.
i never said that i had courage..but thats how i thnk it shud be..nd sumtims u cnt follow wat u preach bcoz ur weak..but thts my personal opinion..u have the right to hide if u blive in it or even if u dont..
p.s. - i knew wat ur reply wud be to my comment..nd im glad wat u wrote insulted me..i dont know u nd just randomly read ur blog..but i realy likd it..even though u continue to hide behind a secret identity..i realy respect ur views but im nt scared to air mine..
by thts how i thnk it shud be.. i mean..dat u shud nt hide behind any anonymous identity..
gosh! ive never seen such a long debate happening on neone's comment box till now...
Some Random guy->Lets bury the tomahawk & be friends.We both pounced at each other on our very first meeting but itz not too late to shake hands,is it?
Sen->Did i ever tell u,that i am fond of ur gigantic comments though my friends go 'ohmygod' at itz size.
Calvin->Stimulus, my friend...stimulus....if given the right kind of stimulus,even a nondescript topic can turn into a raging debate,provided it has vociferous people who dont shy away from expressing their views.
And here i have three men at their best,Vikas,Some random guy & Sen on opposite sides of the fence who hav turned this comment box into a sizzling debating hotbed.
==>love and attachment are two different things. love is divine (if u believe in something divine), attachment, due to its intrinsic nature, brings pain.
"so should we spend entire time staying *detached* from everything in your life? "
==> No! "trying to" attain some state of mind itself creates tension. let me explain it with a metaphorical usage.
e.g: river is pretty active..but a lake is placid. water in the lake remains at one level..doesnt move from one place to another..however, it does in the case of a river. its trying to attain some other level..some other state. its making an effort to do something.
that effort creates tension (not the usual day to day tensions).
"Never a responsibility of nurturing and protecting a thing in the entire lifetime?"
==>not connected. not having attachment doesn't mean one cannot own one's responsibilities!
Even though I dont like quoting anyone, I would still go ahead and quote Kahlil Gibran:
" 'And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children." And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.'"
"'Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God.'"
The PROPHET by Kahlil Gibran.
hi nomadic_waves,
First things first!
Click here. You will have to read the comments section. comment # 6 through 9. email me if you need more help.
For my email, place the mouse (i.e. arrow) on top of Email icon provided here. No need to click on it. Just watch the "status bar" at the bottom of the I.E./firefox window.
{that is for windows operating systems only.}
second: i am not on anyone's side here {or may be, i just view it like that}. i have a perspective and i respect others' views; i am far from perfect though. i do get worked up sometimes.
later
Thanx for your kind words n my blog!! You are an amazing writer!! Very captavating!!
just like knowing there is order in chaos (figuratively/mathematically), listening to the silence in noise, being filled with love when one is swamped with hatred blah..blah..i can go on for a few miles. :)
If you read what I write - Do you know me?
If you know my name - Do you know me?
If you see me - Do you know me?
If you touch me - Do you know me?
Ah I am still an enigma.. I am Anonymous .. to thou, and every mortal on mother earth !
Hey,
I grieve the loss of my spot and I can't take a stand for or against yours. Whatever be, I will be happy if you can let me know the new spot of yours.
Vish
hey wenever u shift ur blog do drop in a mail at gauravgupta007@gmail.com ....
wud love to keep on reading ur blog... :)
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