“Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies- a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."(Eishenhower,the 34th US Prez)Dust swirled & pirouetted in a mad frenzy…..I coughed it out .Blinding heat…on a September noon in Delhi. The auto threaded in & out of the narrow lanes as deftly as a needle completing a running stitch along the hem of a cloth. Ensconced in the womb of the auto, I was sitting …lost in thought…the view outside a blurred haze.
So deep was my reverie that it took me a while before i realized someone was talking to me... .i turned my anesthetized eyes to the auto driver but his back was towards me & then i saw a wobbly hand extend itself in.
Ummm...it was a red light crossing & i wasn’t sure how long the auto had been standing still & then it struck me-Beggars!
I looked straight ahead of me, averting my gaze.....the way most of us pretend to turn blind whenever such miserable unfortunate people approach us with an empty hand but a heart full of hope.But wait a minute, this man had something in his hand-incense sticks...but i simply shook my head.
Brought up in a family which has never believed in Idol Worship, incense sticks were never used in our household...i explained to him-No idols in my room...no incense sticks required.
The more insistent he grew, the more adamant my refusal became.
At the crossing, the light probably turned envious & switched from red to green....at that instant he blurted out-‘Please buy it, i haven’t eaten for two days’....i looked into a pair of
hunger ridden eyes & could almost feel my
hunger hit me with a vengeance like a punch delivered by a wrestler on his punching bag.
Maybe, his words wouldn’t have had such an effect on me, had he met me ...say, a year back.
A year back, i didnt know what
hunger was, i didn’t know how difficult it is to sleep the night away on an empty stomach....i didn’t know that the only way to stop the burning sensation in the stomach, is to keep drinking water every twenty minutes & stop it from growling...from groaning in protest...i didn’t know that your insides churn in agonizing pain & make you want to throw up when you haven’t eaten for one & a half day….your head spins,u feel dizzy & it becomes difficult to walk….maybe it sounds like an exaggeration…maybe my system over-reacts when I miss all my four square meals at the hostel coz of tremendous workload in the Lab & somehow I never have the money to buy something from a canteen etc.
Maybe I am so used to being a spoilt kid back home where food was always taken for granted by me that remaining hungry for a whole day is not my forte.
But I am learning….picking up the art of fooling my hungry stomach by drinking water.
How on Earth,did this old man manage to stand on his two feet & sell his ware the whole day long?had I been in his place…I would have collapsed coz I become so weak that I can barely walk, my knees turn to water & my hands shake a wee bit.
It was the last twenty rupee I had in my purse apart from the thirty that I was supposed to pay the auto driver,luckily I had coins that added up to another ten...it meant, I would have to walk a long distance at eight thirty in the night…a scary proposition…& then take a metro ride(luckily it cost ten) after a rigorous class.
I saw myself handing over the money to him & regretted that I didn’t have more to give to him….& I wished I hadn’t been so egoistic & walked out of office of the part time job as a ghost writer without any payment. Imagine! who would refuse to take her first payment ever, after having worked hard on assignments. But that’s me…
I could see drivers screaming at us, we were blocking their way…stuck at the crossing…pampering some woebegone old man selling something trivial.
But did they know how hungry he was?
Hunger…that kills u slowly by inches…hunger that makes us impotent…hunger that gnaws at our insides…
hunger that constantly draws attention to its presence inside us with it’s devious pin prick stabs….
hunger that makes even thin arrowroot biscuits taste as heavenly as chocolate pastries….
hunger that makes u look askance at people eating good food….
hunger that makes you want to march into the eating joint with those delectable names that make ur mouth water….
hunger that makes treacherous noises in ur stomach & gives your game away when you lie to ur friend & say you are not hungry….
hunger that turns u weak & makes u want to compromise on ur principles & borrow money from others & somehow u battle with ur morals & stick to an empty stomach than an empty conscience....
